I’ve done some math using these figures to put that into perspective.
FCBH’s own website asks for a $157 donation to send one “Proclaimer” model audio-Bible to Haiti.
For the same cost, they could have bought 157 Red Cross disaster kits that contain the following: A cooking set, hygiene pack, blankets, water containers, and a tent for a family of five.
That’s 785 men, women, and children who could have had the basic essentials for something resembling life. Instead, FCBH thought they’d all be better off with the Word of God.
$157 (the cost of 1 Proclaimer) could purify 52,333 liters of water, which is enough to keep 25 families of 5 hydrated until 2011. Instead of 600 Proclaimers, FCBH could have kept 750,000 Haitians hydrated for a year.
The total cost to send 600 proclaimers to Haiti was $92,000. In UNICEF’s hands, that money could have fed more than 1,000 children until the quake’s anniversary. FCBH feels it is more important to preach to their parents.
In 2008, I compiled this horrible list of the worst 10 X-Mas songs in human history. Then I got bored and compiled them all here in one post!
Every year, radio stations and Muzak suppliers around the nation pull out the same mix CD of 12 X-Mas songs, and put them on loop for the 50+ days between Halloween and X-Mas day.
And so it begins.
#10: Dogs Barking “Jingle Bells”
How do you improve on an annoying 4-note melody that you’ve been hearing since the day you were born?
Easy. Have it sung by dogs.
This enoromous reindeer turd first showed up in the states around 1955, brought over from Denmark. You remember Denmark, their other notable contribution to the world of music was Lars Ulrich. Every 10 years or so, this thing reappears in the public eye, as if we’ve never heard the damn thing before, and radio stations around the country think it’s the funniest thing since jokes, and the cutest thing since kittens. I presume all of the noxious fumes generated by the evaporation of American musical identity in nearly every FM station in the US is the cause of this short-term memory loss.
A side story about sampling, which is what made this horror possible. The retarded wishful-thinking among us would like to believe that this was made by carefully training a pack of adorable pooches, directed by a conductor who used a bone for a baton. The more cynical reader would believe that this was made by recording a bunch of dog barks, and carefully arranging them into the melody. Sadly no, this was most likely created with a sampler, like the Casio SK-1:
See how he recorded his idiot dog making an idiot bark, and then pitch-shifted it around so his idiot dog barked an idiot melody? Done. Million dollar X-Mas song cash-in. We had a few of these lying around the WIXQ offices during my tenure there, and we used to do this same sort of thing, but with fart noises, dirty words, and the occasional “________ is gay!” phrase.
Similar technology allows the lazy to bring you that “crazy robot voice sound” that all the kidz are crazy about these days.
What list of Great Men with Great Mustaches would be complete without Salvador Dali, master painter and journeyman prankster? He was also the 1st Marquis of Púbol, which is amazing because I didn’t think they made marquiseseses anymore.
In honor of Movem ber, I’ll be post ing a new Great Man with a Great Mus tache every day. Please help fight prostate & tes tic u lar can cer by mak ing a small dona tion, and fol low my own Movem ber ‘stache here.
In honor of Movem ber, I’ll be post ing a new Great Man with a Great Mus tache every day. Please help fight prostate & tes tic u lar can cer by mak ing a small dona tion, and fol low my own Movem ber ‘stache here.
Like many of you, I listened to Weird Al before I was old enough to really get into music. Music doesn’t really “click” with most of us until we hit our teenage years, at which point it consumes us to the point of absurdity (if you’ve ever drawn band logos on your history notebooks, you’re guilty). Weird Al subversively introduced me to hundreds of artists and sounds before I really dove into music, and in doing so probably shaped much of my appreciation. It was also the first concert I ever went to, at the TLA in Philadelphia.
For exposing kids to the depth and breadth of popular music, Weird Al deserves a Great Man, Great Mustache honor. Beyond that, he is an incredible musician and comedian. It may seem trivial, but Al’s ability to work within nearly any genre of music is no small feat, and a careful listen will show that he is doing more than simply changing the lyrics. He understands the tropes and conventions of the genres he parodies in a way that many Juliard grads would not.
As a comedian, Al has managed to keep the “Weird Al” character alive and relevant for nearly 3 decades. Al is still working hard today, recording and touring, and enjoying a upswing in popularity.
In honor of Movem ber, I’ll be post ing a new Great Man with a Great Mus tache every day. Please help fight prostate & tes tic u lar can cer by mak ing a small dona tion, and fol low my own Movem ber ‘stache here.
